Missing the Gun

One man concert
He weaves a desperate tale
Of sunsets
Kisses at twilight
And missing the starting gun of life
As he's lost
Stuck on love
And other fairytales
Always better in a song
With hopes for a little change
To join his jingle
Every time his right foot stomps.

One man concert
There is something better about his sound
Subtle
Like his rags
The sway of his hair
As he looks down
Searching
For the heart of his song
Because that is what captures
Me
Them
Us
And thus we are bound to contribute
As we stare off
Into sunsets long gone
Reminiscing of twilight kisses
And missing the starting gun
Because at that time
What could've been more important
Than that first love?
©2011clarencecbess

Ms. Jenkin's Blues

Got it deep in her
That 'bama sway
Which only southern girls could learn
As they strolled dusty roads
On their way
Past history's fields
Hiking their skirts
Because ashy feets was one thing
Acceptable
But a dingy hem was not.

Got it deep in her
The way she told a story
Drunk on laughter
Seasoned in way
Like mama's meals
More from experience
Than anything she could've read;
Made you want to come back for more
Stand around the kitchen doorway
A disciple
Waiting for Sunday dinner.

Had it deep in her
The fire and brimstone way of life
To hell with the time
Sermons of her existence
Were forever just getting started.

Got it deep in me
Upon remembering those eyes;
Looked like they'd seen
Just maybe
A little too much
Those crops of faith
Punctuating woods of reality
Where abundantly grew
Lessons
Only time could provide.

Got it deep in me
As it was in her
To take those seeds
Plant them
Nature them
Watch them grow
Hoping winds
Would carry them to places
Just this side of a dream
Where all things possible
Made light of the dark
Beneath their eyes
Beneath those blue songs
Blue times
That become
Of those with no hope of escape.

Hope it deep within them
Who'll go on
Because that is life
Because that was Ms. J.
And what better praise
Than to take a moment
laugh with memories
Tear with melodies
No longer sung
But hanging on the breeze
On the calm which comes
Each time one thinks her name...
©2011clarencecbess

The Singer

Making his way
Up and down the aisles
Just he and his imagination
Honed
In the pursuit of happiness
Temporary.

Conversations abound
His melody cuts right through
To pockets
On to passing hands
Into his cap overturned
Slowly filling
With the cabbage
That never grows old.

His needle skips
(Several times)
Till his fingers snaps
Reverberating a time long-gone
But so desired
Till he jokes
Returning us
To the reality of his performance

He just needs a little extra change
For whatever is his urgency...
©2011clarencecbess

Artifact

I fade into the background again
A mute earthy tone
Amongst ever-present splashes
Of technicolor songs;
Thrown by the wayside
Somebody picked me up
Wore me for awhile
Only to tuck me away
Assuming I wished to placate
An existence chosen for me

Given nothing
A relic I became
Rising from the archeological dig
In the forgotten realms of my soul
I found I was better suited
For museum shelves
Rather than the corridors of the living
As it was all out of place
Too loud
Too consuming
And I had no knowledge
Of how to adjust
Just to survive
Scampering from corner to corner
Waiting for the ravishes of time...
©2011clarencecbess

Too Close To Lonely

Walking home
Wanting to be alone
A little too close to lonely
Again
Looking to the heavens
Searching for the stars
Once seeming so abundant
Long ago in my youth
Left only with these lights
And sounds of sirens wailing
To hold me
Remind me that I'm here
In this place
And of course I should be thankful
But a little too close to lonely
And I'm in a selfish mood tonight

Walking home
Wanting to be alone
Looking for the right music to move me
Hoping this could love
Despite a lifetime too close to lonely
Abandoned again
Despite the
Hands that raised
Minds that set on guiding
And souls which happen to cross
Underneath lights
In between sirens
Forcing so many away
To less complicated fields
With stars abundant
One has to only look up
And dream...
Star light
Star bright...
Yeah.
©2011clarenccbess

Reaching Out

You scold me
Don't hold me
But I'm reaching out

You told me
Controlled me
But I have no doubts

You love me
You want me
To be the best that's out

Among the
So lost they
Feel there's no way out

I'm searching
I'm learning
To keep reaching out

Not for saving
But for Knowing
No matter what my doubts

I'll make it
Someplace where
My heart it has no doubts

It made the
Right choice to
Stick it out

CCB's Recurring Dream

Amethyst clouds
Rain precious tears
Which wet my brow
Stain my head
Seeping into my brain
Producing visions
Sweet and disturbing

The nectar clear
There was a flower
I wished to pollinate
Amongst a desperate nature
Of continuation
Illustration
As caricatures
In the form of dead petals
Lay strewn about
Their decomposition
Producing an increased heart rate
As I ran
In an attempt to be free.

Then came a flash
And there was black
Cavernous
Reverberating innocent screams;
I recognized those
With an ever-increasing clarity
As those of my children
Whose souls had been ingested
By the creature of many names
I never saw
But distinctly knew
Was just behind me,
It's breath a fiery mist
Of incompetence and death.

Further still I dove
past images familiar
Into a nocturnal soup
Of rose-tinged eyes
And violet songs
Lifted against unfinished things
Which torched my innocence
Leaving me an empty grave
In search of a shell
And ancient words to warn those
Remind those
Of an ultimate end.

Into my reverie I stared
As every thing blurred
And with no place to rest
I let go
Let it all take me
Assured that I would end up at peace
Whether that be death
Or the realization that comes
Before one's ultimate achievements
As they establish their place
As I would
Amongst the living...
©2011clarencecbess

Mental Excerpt #1

I ran into an argument
Between a truth
And a dream.
Stood aside
Watching them furiously refute
A prospective soul
They each wished to take
Back to their respective realms.

On truth's side,
Inevitability
Dream's
Character
Each with something to say;
Each with their own good points.

They continued this way for quite some time
Until dream
In an odd moment of peace
Looked my way
And excitedly reported
'There he stands!'
I turned
Thinking he clearly
Was referring to someone else
Only to find I was alone.

'Grab 'em!' yelled inevitability
And though I wanted
Even attempted to run
My feet remained planted
Until I became a flurry of hands
Pulling this way and that
Tearing at the very essence of me.

I awoke the next morning
Still confused
Still me
Still seeking solutions
To complicated equations
I've never understood
And I doubt I ever will
As long as I can dream
And achieve those dreams in turn...
©2011clarencecbess

Avalanche

Where are the things I put away?
Those things that kept me
Moving forward
Instead of slowly sinking...

Every day they're asking
Questions not worth answering
Of she and I belonging;
The moon does not exist
Without the sun shining
My pain is cresting
To a point not worth showing...

I keep on planning
Without executing
Where are the things I put away
That moved me
To be me?

Every day I'm slipping
Further behind things
I need to survive these
Increasingly
Oppressive conditions
Upon me;
Consequences mounting
If I move a pebble
Will the mountain slip away?
©2011clarencecbess

Private Dancing

Dance
Stop
Hold me
Speak
Dreams
Hold me
Upon songs
Deep within;

See
Feel
Sweep me
Standing
Until I forget
My world
It's problems
Entangling
My efforts to free
Before the creature takes me
Into the belly of slavery;

Stop
No
Start me
Stop
Don't let go me
To the ravishes
Of that
Which speaks
The tune of fear
Black and moist
Infinite
I dip my cup in
Thinking to refresh me;

Dance
Stop
Hold me
Speak dreams
Of only
You and I
Alone upon the floor
Holding
Onto each other
In the eternal embrace
Of love.
©2011clarencecbess

Side Pocket

I've often tried
To put my opinions aside
To have them stand
Against the wall
Illuminated only
By dimmest light
Because truth
That mutha-fucka sulking
In the surrounding darkness
Forces me to question
Why I ever aimed in the first place
When I knew
The ensuing ricochet
Would reverberate
Teasing the foul stench of defeat.

But the moment
Begs one to step beyond
Safety within dim spotlights
Which seek to hide the fact
When exposed
Everybody's soul here
Could use a little work...
©2011clarencecbess

Quiet

He needed to be heard.
Needed
And that's what saddened me.
Posturing
Throwing words
Stolen or borrowed
With no concept of their damage
Reminding me of that old adage
Just because one can
Doesn't mean one should.

He was the culmination
Of everything wrong with us
As a nation
A people
A gender
A veritable report card of failure
As I cringed
With each look upon him
As he moved about the train
Ghettoizing the environment.

I thought
It's too hot for this
Can you please save the theater?
Just as the hypocrisy of the moment
Struck me
Revealing again
The beauty of this place
And those souls who inhabit it,
Albeit briefly,
Constantly...
©2011clarencecbess

Detox

It's hot outside
Getting hotter in fact
Yet there's a downpour within.
The drought of my soul
In one fell swoop
Has opened
Releasing things
Pent
Scattered and unfocused
Now finely in tune
Through the amplification
Of emotion
And those things that bring it forth.

It's getting hotter
Outside
And I won't be the only one
Running for shelter;
But I keep asking
Is it about time I stayed to burn?
Stayed to burn in my sweltering consequence?
Letting it draw forth
Detoxify my existence
And the detrimental things I ingest...

It's getting hot.
Will get hotter.

Will my place
Be behind the shades of illusion
Seclusion
Or upon the shores of responsibility?
©2011clarencecbess

The Importance of a Dog

He looks at me
Time and again
Rest his head upon my knee
Asking
What is it I can do?

He never barks
Never groans in agitation
As I pull him close
And overturned
Begin to scratch
In that spot I know he likes
Even though he's attempting sleep.

He listens
Playing most-often
When somehow he knows
My heart is heavy
And there is too much drama in the air;
Listens
Looks at me with ever-loving eyes
Connecting
Calming
Bringing a much-needed smile to my face
Only to promptly break the moment
By turning to lick himself
Of course
In the most private of places.
©2011clarencecbess

Midsummer Blues

He down low
As Yellow heat
Turns blue.

Profusely he sweats
One drop of his being at a time
Waiting on a breeze
Calm
To caress his brow
Bringing relief
If only for a moment.

He down low
With thoughts inching
Up a degree
Internal combustion
As he expels
His undigested truths
And is left weak for the battle;
Survival.

Blue heat
Blue heart
Both intensely burning
Consuming
All the energy around them
Waiting for the cold
To inevitably extinguish...
©2011clarencecbess

Us Not Me

I thought it was fine
To think of you
To think of me
And leave it at that.

Truth is I was ignorant
At best
Stubborn
In my ways of old
A single digit
Needing only to follow along
The ray of my desire.

I thought it was fine
To think of me
First
Always
Forever
To a point
I didn't think
Thus nature this failing becomes
Leaving in It's wake
Hollow shells and memories
Best suited for target practice
In some lonely bar
On some lonely night;
Thought it was fine
Till I took a moment
To think of us
And saw how my actions
However unintentional
Devastated
Saddened
Angered you
Into a symphony of alarms
Seeking to drive you away
As before
And before that
And still before that again
In the consistency of my survival.

I thought it was all fine
Till I almost lost you
Save for your ability to welcome me
Repair me
Love me
Love us
And allow me to do the same...
©2011clarencecbess

ag tagtaginep nga agsalsala (Dancing With A Dream)

Laid next to his heart
Wrapped my arms around
Thoughts of escape
Within his world
A new world
Emerald and jade.

Got next to his eyes
Sought completion
Upon his smile
As helpless I became
Enveloped
In the bark of his flesh
Native.

And this was just a dream.
Just a sketch upon a pad
Wrought
With incomplete stanzas
Of an opus
Never seeming to crescendo
Beyond the vibrations of my heart.

Despite my fantasy
My illusion of control
I let slip my tongue
On to my pen
And words born
Did reveal a truth I could not deny...

I wanted him
And somehow
This dream
Wanted me.
©2011clarencecbess

Sweet

Sweet
Got a cavity just thinking of you
Tongue across lips
With memories replayed
Of how you teased
Trapping me in that golden moment
Natural
No fructose intoxicated stumble
No imitation sprinkle
Just packet upon packet
Of sweet
Raw sublime
A pinch here
A pinch there
More like a punch to my mind
As I wake
Wanting nothing more
Than to dip deep into your nectar
Purified ambrosia
My lick stick begging
For your cornucopia of flavors
©2011clarencecbess

Ugly People

I woke this morning
Heart racing
Pressure throbbing
To a sky gray and damp
Echoing my memories
Regurgitated in nightmares
Of ugly people
Mostly
An ugly man
I used to run away from
But now feel
I must make my way back to.

I woke
The pain in my chest telling
Of unresolved evils
Ugly people placed upon me
In their cruel attempts
To shape
Whittle me down
To whatever they envisioned me to be.

Woke
Slowly returning to myself
Understanding that ugly people
Predominantly this ugly man
Was an echo
A shadow
Periodically at my back
Between my ears
To remind me
The task is never finished
The mission never complete
In reconstructing one's soul
In an attempt to undo
A tightly knit tapestry of existence
One thread at a time....
©2011clarencecbess

Suddenly Prized

What could've been
Rest upon numerous faces
Looking to me now
Much too late for me to care
Beyond some script
To sum up the moment.

Again and again I want to ask
Why now?
Did it really have to be
That
Complicated?
That
Shallow?
The ability of we
To shatter hearts
Like a gunslinger at high noon
Attempting to make his way
Along the one road through town
Amazes me
Constant
Like the stares I receive now
Because suddenly
I am that which is desired...
©2011clarencecbess

Passing Through

Men are terrible animals
Solitary by nature
Needing little
But time
And a lay here and there
Solitary
Seeking companionship
When it most suits
When it fits
Like gloves
That can be kept
Socks that can be kept
Shirts that can be kept
Pants that can be
Kept
Scarves that can be kept
Things
That can be kept
For years and years
Stored
Begging to be thrown away
To be tossed away
To be renewed.

Men are animals
Hunting
On the hillsides
In the cold
Hunting in the heat
In the open
In the shade
For something
Maybe someone
To be kept
Or maybe thrown away;

I am a man.
I am
An animal...
©2011clarencecbess

Pillow Talk

Lord have mercy on these souls born today
Living in a world with one foot in it's grave
Children seeing fun in other's misery
Everybody running from responsibility

Contradicting nation at war
Yet sleeping with the enemy
Finding new ways to test the children
Before teaching them how to write and read
Every step forward
Is a slide back in line for me
Cattle to the call for them to slaughter me

All I'm really wanting
Is to wake from this dream now...

Take a walk with strangers
Holding hands with danger
Without a moment to breathe
My expanding waistline sees
Those behind the counters laughing
Lord have mercy on these trappings

And all I'm really wanting
Is to wake from this dream now...

Desperation breeds a syndrome
For thirty minutes of fame
Girls behaving badly
Just to have someone tweet their name
As a better dope hit the ghetto
Changed the game
Flying off the shelves
Ready-made to make insolent characters
Heroes
In the mind of children breeding children
Just to make a dime
As they danced to a beat
Inclined only to petrify
Not to have them fly

All I'm really wanting
Is to wake from this dream now...

The lord had mercy on my soul
Because I was born yesterday
As bad as it was, it was still a better way
As I walk amongst the dead now

All I'm really wanting
Is a way to wake from this dream now...
©2011clarencecbess

Mother Winter

Released from her womb
Forever I fell into doom
And questions within eyes
Each time that I pass them by
Of happenstance and why

But fate looms
On God's own plan
With my hands so dry
I try to make a man
Out of the boy
Which hides inside
Staring blankly out through eyes
Of happenstance and why

Each day I wake to look around
Try to make adjustments
To the changing sounds
Of my country
My skin tone
By sunset I realize each day
I am all alone
Cold
Without a home
Without a grave to rest my bones
I'm scattered to the wind
Increasingly unknown

She released from her womb
Left her consequence
And now I fall through doom
Part of a soul
part of a plan
Everything not of my own
Except my drying hands
I cannot hide
Each time they pass me by
In this rotation
Of happenstance and why...
©2011clarencecbess

After Dreams

Chilly sunrise welcomes me
Fading song sticking after dreams
Tired man speaks as they pass by
Within his eyes I lose myself and die
A thousand times a thousand so completely

Says we traded warrior for killing arms
Farms for rows of corn across the crown
Despite a freedom, most are still held down
No cause to fight, no reason to be better
Relying on what hopefully comes later

Blind, he asked me for a favor
My father taught me to be better
Pretending not to notice I tell him later
Make my way on illusions that it's safer
Somewhere underground within my mind

The more I look, the more I want to bleed
I petrify
Lost in never wanting to be me
Haunted, sometimes guided by my dreams
I scream at mysteries

He said it's our destiny to be denied
The more I look around, I think he's right...
©2011clarencecbess

Early-Morning Train

A rumble in the distance tells me I'm here
The tumble of my stomach warns me of fear
Somewhere out beyond my windows it creeps
And I should be crying

Someone doesn't want me angry today
I don't want to see myself go that way
Somewhere in the dark it's creeping
I'm up and yet I know I should be sleeping

But that's what has me up here in the morn
Sleeping with these enemies that I scorn
At every turn I feel they're trying to kill me
Nullify me like my government completely
As somewhere beyond these windows it creeps
Resolutions set to pull me in deep
Beyond a truth that I know the train is lying
And with each swipe I know I should be crying...
©2011clarencecbess