Reaching Out

You scold me
Don't hold me
But I'm reaching out

You told me
Controlled me
But I have no doubts

You love me
You want me
To be the best that's out

Among the
So lost they
Feel there's no way out

I'm searching
I'm learning
To keep reaching out

Not for saving
But for Knowing
No matter what my doubts

I'll make it
Someplace where
My heart it has no doubts

It made the
Right choice to
Stick it out

CCB's Recurring Dream

Amethyst clouds
Rain precious tears
Which wet my brow
Stain my head
Seeping into my brain
Producing visions
Sweet and disturbing

The nectar clear
There was a flower
I wished to pollinate
Amongst a desperate nature
Of continuation
Illustration
As caricatures
In the form of dead petals
Lay strewn about
Their decomposition
Producing an increased heart rate
As I ran
In an attempt to be free.

Then came a flash
And there was black
Cavernous
Reverberating innocent screams;
I recognized those
With an ever-increasing clarity
As those of my children
Whose souls had been ingested
By the creature of many names
I never saw
But distinctly knew
Was just behind me,
It's breath a fiery mist
Of incompetence and death.

Further still I dove
past images familiar
Into a nocturnal soup
Of rose-tinged eyes
And violet songs
Lifted against unfinished things
Which torched my innocence
Leaving me an empty grave
In search of a shell
And ancient words to warn those
Remind those
Of an ultimate end.

Into my reverie I stared
As every thing blurred
And with no place to rest
I let go
Let it all take me
Assured that I would end up at peace
Whether that be death
Or the realization that comes
Before one's ultimate achievements
As they establish their place
As I would
Amongst the living...
©2011clarencecbess

Mental Excerpt #1

I ran into an argument
Between a truth
And a dream.
Stood aside
Watching them furiously refute
A prospective soul
They each wished to take
Back to their respective realms.

On truth's side,
Inevitability
Dream's
Character
Each with something to say;
Each with their own good points.

They continued this way for quite some time
Until dream
In an odd moment of peace
Looked my way
And excitedly reported
'There he stands!'
I turned
Thinking he clearly
Was referring to someone else
Only to find I was alone.

'Grab 'em!' yelled inevitability
And though I wanted
Even attempted to run
My feet remained planted
Until I became a flurry of hands
Pulling this way and that
Tearing at the very essence of me.

I awoke the next morning
Still confused
Still me
Still seeking solutions
To complicated equations
I've never understood
And I doubt I ever will
As long as I can dream
And achieve those dreams in turn...
©2011clarencecbess

Avalanche

Where are the things I put away?
Those things that kept me
Moving forward
Instead of slowly sinking...

Every day they're asking
Questions not worth answering
Of she and I belonging;
The moon does not exist
Without the sun shining
My pain is cresting
To a point not worth showing...

I keep on planning
Without executing
Where are the things I put away
That moved me
To be me?

Every day I'm slipping
Further behind things
I need to survive these
Increasingly
Oppressive conditions
Upon me;
Consequences mounting
If I move a pebble
Will the mountain slip away?
©2011clarencecbess

Private Dancing

Dance
Stop
Hold me
Speak
Dreams
Hold me
Upon songs
Deep within;

See
Feel
Sweep me
Standing
Until I forget
My world
It's problems
Entangling
My efforts to free
Before the creature takes me
Into the belly of slavery;

Stop
No
Start me
Stop
Don't let go me
To the ravishes
Of that
Which speaks
The tune of fear
Black and moist
Infinite
I dip my cup in
Thinking to refresh me;

Dance
Stop
Hold me
Speak dreams
Of only
You and I
Alone upon the floor
Holding
Onto each other
In the eternal embrace
Of love.
©2011clarencecbess

Side Pocket

I've often tried
To put my opinions aside
To have them stand
Against the wall
Illuminated only
By dimmest light
Because truth
That mutha-fucka sulking
In the surrounding darkness
Forces me to question
Why I ever aimed in the first place
When I knew
The ensuing ricochet
Would reverberate
Teasing the foul stench of defeat.

But the moment
Begs one to step beyond
Safety within dim spotlights
Which seek to hide the fact
When exposed
Everybody's soul here
Could use a little work...
©2011clarencecbess

Quiet

He needed to be heard.
Needed
And that's what saddened me.
Posturing
Throwing words
Stolen or borrowed
With no concept of their damage
Reminding me of that old adage
Just because one can
Doesn't mean one should.

He was the culmination
Of everything wrong with us
As a nation
A people
A gender
A veritable report card of failure
As I cringed
With each look upon him
As he moved about the train
Ghettoizing the environment.

I thought
It's too hot for this
Can you please save the theater?
Just as the hypocrisy of the moment
Struck me
Revealing again
The beauty of this place
And those souls who inhabit it,
Albeit briefly,
Constantly...
©2011clarencecbess

Detox

It's hot outside
Getting hotter in fact
Yet there's a downpour within.
The drought of my soul
In one fell swoop
Has opened
Releasing things
Pent
Scattered and unfocused
Now finely in tune
Through the amplification
Of emotion
And those things that bring it forth.

It's getting hotter
Outside
And I won't be the only one
Running for shelter;
But I keep asking
Is it about time I stayed to burn?
Stayed to burn in my sweltering consequence?
Letting it draw forth
Detoxify my existence
And the detrimental things I ingest...

It's getting hot.
Will get hotter.

Will my place
Be behind the shades of illusion
Seclusion
Or upon the shores of responsibility?
©2011clarencecbess

The Importance of a Dog

He looks at me
Time and again
Rest his head upon my knee
Asking
What is it I can do?

He never barks
Never groans in agitation
As I pull him close
And overturned
Begin to scratch
In that spot I know he likes
Even though he's attempting sleep.

He listens
Playing most-often
When somehow he knows
My heart is heavy
And there is too much drama in the air;
Listens
Looks at me with ever-loving eyes
Connecting
Calming
Bringing a much-needed smile to my face
Only to promptly break the moment
By turning to lick himself
Of course
In the most private of places.
©2011clarencecbess

Midsummer Blues

He down low
As Yellow heat
Turns blue.

Profusely he sweats
One drop of his being at a time
Waiting on a breeze
Calm
To caress his brow
Bringing relief
If only for a moment.

He down low
With thoughts inching
Up a degree
Internal combustion
As he expels
His undigested truths
And is left weak for the battle;
Survival.

Blue heat
Blue heart
Both intensely burning
Consuming
All the energy around them
Waiting for the cold
To inevitably extinguish...
©2011clarencecbess

Us Not Me

I thought it was fine
To think of you
To think of me
And leave it at that.

Truth is I was ignorant
At best
Stubborn
In my ways of old
A single digit
Needing only to follow along
The ray of my desire.

I thought it was fine
To think of me
First
Always
Forever
To a point
I didn't think
Thus nature this failing becomes
Leaving in It's wake
Hollow shells and memories
Best suited for target practice
In some lonely bar
On some lonely night;
Thought it was fine
Till I took a moment
To think of us
And saw how my actions
However unintentional
Devastated
Saddened
Angered you
Into a symphony of alarms
Seeking to drive you away
As before
And before that
And still before that again
In the consistency of my survival.

I thought it was all fine
Till I almost lost you
Save for your ability to welcome me
Repair me
Love me
Love us
And allow me to do the same...
©2011clarencecbess