Kisses

I’ve decided this time
Not to give away all of my kisses
Not to lay down all of my dreams
Only to stand here alone
At the end of all things

I’ve decided to hold myself
Laugh at my smile
Pick myself up
After it’s been rough for a while
Not to give away all of my kisses
Only to own a heart that misses

I’ve decided this time
To trust in my soul
Dance when I feel
Like
Freedom’s in the sound
And I’m longing for escape
Not to give away all of my kisses
Lay down all of my dreams
To be here alone
Broken of desire
Wishing for things

I’ve decided this time
Not to give away all of my kisses
Not to go broke
Chasing a love
That to my heart
It’s been years since it spoke
No
Not to lay down all of my dreams
Only to stand here alone
With verses to hold me
Silence to sing
I’ve decided this time
I’ve a better thing
In becoming the wind
Boundless and free
Simply to
Be
With all of my kisses
For the world to see…
©2009clarencecbess

Just Before May

The next two pieces represent a wonderful weekend in NYC. Thanks to the 'Crew', Matt, Scott, Elliot, Kat, and Johnny. (here's hoping I spelled everyone's name correctly..lol)

R.I.P
Bea Arthur

“Just Before May”

Flourish universe surrounds
Golden maiden slips away
Just as true as yesterday
The world is full of birth and pain

Sunshine blossoms all around
My mind is full of songs of spring
Wanting to let go forgetting everything
I think of trees anew their forest green
Just as true as yesterday
All about me is awake

Brilliant drops of balm
Hanging silent in the breeze
Far beyond are fantasies
Golden maiden slips away
Yet her stories here remain
Just as true as yesterday
When we thought today we’d wake

Winter seems a daydream gone
With the warmth that surrounds
Even as she passes away
Leaving me to drown in the sounds
Just as true as yesterday
All about the world is awake
Even in the death this beauty makes…
©2009clarencecbess

Christopher St. Love Song

This is not a love song
To you dear
From Christopher and Gay
To the west-end pier
Coffees and creams
Out with the sunscreen
Blossoms in bloom
Breezes so clean
Another stroller to circumvent
Of people chasing the dream
Another pair of eyes
Over winter-worked thighs
How the packages do swing
Any and every thing lost in the sheen
Awakened from chill-covered cries
Of longing for this moment
Down at the end
Where countless paths do bend
Around time
Elevated trains
Shabby dens of pleasure
And what came thereafter
All in their way
One of Christopher’s treasures.
©2009clarencecbess

Black Cashmere

I feel it slip over me
Next to nothing
Supple and divine
Breathy
Dark and inviting
She sings
Moans
Virginity lost
Each stroke of the key
Strum of the string
A melodic foreplay
Whispering to me
Back into time
And the wishing
Wanting
To place kisses on her lips
But dreams upon his heart
The cusp of creation
Faltering
Making things come true
Over and over again
As I set to replay
Blowing that horn
As playful as that note
Rock
Steady sway
Climaxing me
Beyond the subtlety
Of the producing pair
Born of the lavender royal
I so often bow to;
This black cashmere
Captures me
Slips over me
And I am ready
To give my love
Tonight
As I did before
In the midnight deep
Of innocence
Budding opportunities
Stolen virginity
Amidst cries of conformity...
©2009clarencecbess

Got

Got to thinking about someone... this piece is dedicated to P.S. w/ love. Goodbye.

"Got"

Got tired.
Got frustrated.
Got loved.
Got demanding.
Got special.
Got joy.
Got questions.
Got laughter.
Got smiles.
Got eyes.
Got ass.
Got passed.

Got answers.
Got silence.
Got food.
Got soul.
Got family.
Got friends.
Got sick.
Got work.

Got bed.
Got mad.
Got night.
Got cold.
Got held.
Got kissed.
Got God.
Got missed.

Got paper.
Got dime.
Got taxed.
(Lost mine)
Got high.
Got by.
Got tears.
Got blue.
Got touched.
Got through.

Got glasses.
Got mind.
Got word.
Got pen.
Got time.
Got lost.
Got drunk.
Got song.

Got possibility.
Got rain.
Got dreams.
Got light.
Got you.
Got me.
(But no 'We')
Got free.
Got pleased.
Got teased.
Got sun.
Got trees.
Got trains.
Got plains.
Got away.
Got away.
Got a ways...
©2009clarencecbess

On A Sidewalk By A Park Next To Life

Skipping
Skipping
Children skipping
Over cracks
Along streets so worn
Skipping
On cracks in the system
Foundations of home
Family
Skipping
Children skipping
Right
Past
Their
Childhood...
©2009clarencecbess

B.O.M.B

He dropped the bomb on me
Funny thing was
I was closer to understanding
Than I probably should've been
So we turned
Each taking a sip
Drowning in our brown liquor psalm
Till the silence overtook us
Him wanting to tell
Me wanting to listen
To hear myself
What I had become
Even though most would laugh at the thought.

He dropped his bomb
Ground zero destruction
The agonizing resonance of decisions
Choices long-ago made
Forgotten;
Dropped his bomb
And despite the smoke
I stayed
Moving about
An apparition among apparitions
All the same
In our graveyard of futility
Filled with the bitter weed
Our only escape to chew or blaze
As we festered in the haze.

He dropped his bomb
Then
Again and again
Me wishing I didn't understand
That youth could protect me
But then again
I've always been considered an 'old soul'
That blues chorus
An all too familiar psalm
For me to let slip away
In my brown liquor qualm
Of 'yester and today...
©2009clarencecbess

Behind

I got left behind
Somewhere on the slab
Caught between uneven days
Lost in the dreams that grew there.

Got left behind
Looking about
To trees and wonders
Colors
Listening to the thunder
Far off on the horizon
As I stroked my dog's fur
Sitting on the little concrete slab
At my childhood's back door
Wishing for other people and places.

Got left behind
Learning and testing
Lessons of the day
From the pew to the schoolhouse
Broken
Stumbling across things I couldn't
Or could care less to remember
(That is until now)
Because all I could call peace
My own
Was that little concrete slab
At my childhood's back door
And the stroking of my dog's fur
Their eyes to mine
Listening as if in full understanding
Of the tears and wishes that flowed.

Left behind
Even as I skipped ahead
Thinking I was finding myself
As I gyrated
Drank myself into social circles
With bad music and even worse lights
Pulsating about
For a little acceptance
That never attained the level I achieved
On the little slab
Blocking the back door
With the weight of my troubles
So the facilitators could not come
Just me and my dogs
Almost to twilight
And the squadron of mosquitoes
That came to feast
First on our tears
Then on our blood
Then on my memories
Because it was all I had left
As I could not return to the slab
Leaving a cigar and a pint of O.E. to do.

Left behind still
Though I race ahead at every turn
Chasing clouds
Interpretations within
Streaks of lightning
And thunder that follows
To return to that slab
Eyes that listened
Made me feel they felt my pain
Reassured without word
But with rested head upon my knee
That all would be ok
Change would and always comes
As I stroked the fur
Taking in all that I saw
And listened...
Listen..
©2009clarencecbess

Hot Pink

It's amazing what happens when two thoughts converge. A BIG thanks to Lorenzo Robertson who's 'Into The Pink' heavily influenced this piece.

"Hot Pink"

Hot pink
Staring back at me
Hot pink
What's your fantasy?
Hot pink
What's it gonna be
When it comes down to
What the other pinks
Think of me?

Hot pink
I can't explain
It's just that way
Is your refrain
Hot pink
Caught in the complexity
Of a box of crayons
Including me;
What's it gonna be
Hot pink
When the other pinks
Make you think?

Hot pink
Staring back at me
Hot pink
Think on this for me
Is it a goal
Or maybe plea
That you would rather
Draw
With me?
Outside the lines
Even in these times
Hot pink
What's it gonna be
When the other pinks
Make you think of we?
©2009clarencecbess

Self Destruction

I step up
Only to fall
Heels over head
Trapped in the squall
Eternity it seems
A night far too long
Hunted on plain
Seeking the dawn

Where is the rise
In the dark so still
To save me from self
My destructive will
Trapped in the gale
The eye too far away
Hunted on plain
Beyond twilight I stay

And what’s of escape
From one’s self
Heels over head
Nothing is left
For me to see
To recognize
Any part of me
Trapped in the wake
Between death
And the dawn
Hunted the same
By myself to me drawn…
©2009clarencecbess

A Letter To God

I got an email this morning with the suggestion of going to church to celebrate Easter. To kneel to God in prayer with others and reaffirm my faith. And then I started to think. I've never cared for religious gatherings and have often viewed the nature of relationship between deity and follower as a personal one. One that doesn't include having to schlep in some monkey suit to a stone edifice who's sole purpose is to trap you for an hour too long in the hopes of putting fear into you so a few extra dollars can be made to build more stone edifices in the hope that instead of understanding the fundamental makeup of the world around us, we leave it up to an entity none of us can prove exist or doesn't... and with that, a poem was born. Enjoy...

“A Letter To God”

Dear God,
What is the proudest prayer that I could offer?
Should I run about
As it was as a child
Looking for that special costume to wear
Because somehow
On this day
The sermon was to carry extra meaning?
I admit we haven’t talked much
(Or rather I haven’t talked to you much)
But then again,
We’ve talked enough…

I know you’re there
Even though I hope you’re there
Because I can’t explain
The people who have come into my life
The many times suspended upon the edge
Of desperation
That briar patch waiting beneath
To pierce me
Drain me of the essence of existence
Only to somehow elevate
If even for a passing moment
Above cirrus spectacles
Above the blue we are so bound to…

So why do I write?
Why not get down upon my knees
Hands folded
Eyes closed
Ridiculously muttering
An oft too rehearsed thread
Of wishes and reflections?
This seed you planted
Grateful as I am
My blessing
My curse
Prevents me so;
Why plant the seed
Only to inhibit the growth?

Selfish right?
But that is the human condition
For survival depends on it
And this you know…

Maybe I wrote today because
Unfortunately
That is the only way I feel like I can make sense
Because despite my disdain
For your rabid followers
I wanted
In the best way I know how
To thank you
Remind you
Just in case you don’t already know
That I do think about you
More times than not
(Thank you mom and dad for
years of Sunday monotony)
Even though I fear
What it is you have in store for me
Fate
Is a bitch I’d rather not be screwin’…

So as usual
In all things wondered
I’ve gone on too long
The feeling of ineptness
Rising with each new character.

What is the best way to end this?
I used to hate these moments in church
My father and others
Fanatically continuing
As if to attain a climax next to sexual…

So I guess
Thanks
And I apologize for not including
The rest of the world and its problems;
But that is the human condition
Selfishness
How else would we have survived?

Amen.
©2009clarencecbess

Rise

If I am asked to perform again, this will be the one. I just hope the children get it...

“Rise”

I’ll bear your hand
In this time of need
Guiding you
To the possibility
You forgot existed
There within your heart

Courage deep
Together free
We shall rise
Over land and sea
The key
Possibilities
To remember dreams
Lost beneath the cobalt wave
Echoing
On a forgotten branch’s sway

I’ll bear your pain
If you will listen
To stories old
The cautions they foretold
To songs that bleed
Of strength
Of need
To rise above all that is seen

Courage deep
Together free
We shall rise
Over land and sea
The key
Possibilities
To remember dreams
Lost beneath fields of dread
Echoing
In the sorrow of bowed heads

You bear my words
For a moment brief
As the time between
Joy and grief
But bear our dreams
In your lives extended
For a moment lost
Cannot be recaptured
But a moment forgotten
Can be repeated

Courage deep
Together free
We shall rise
Over land and sea
The key
Possibilities
To remember dreams
Lost beneath pallid sheets
Echoing
On batons that beat
To remember dreams
Lost beneath riffs and beats
Echoing
On your forgotten streets…
©2009clarencecbess

Clever

There's always someone who thinks they can do no wrong... (When I posted the four works after this one, I'd actually forgotten that I'd written this one yesterday and had wanted to post it...)

“Clever”

You brought your breeze
Took me to forever
You raised my dreams
Thought you were so clever
But baby things
Have a way of catching up to us
Like Icarus’ wings
Broke the heart of Daedalus

You took my love
A way nobody ever
Held me strong
Smiled as if so clever
But baby many
Times has this heart been severed
I know result of game you play whatever

You brought the words
Hooked me on the pleasure
Looked at me
With eyes that spoke so clever
Forgetting iris and pupil
Together windows to the soul
I stared in deep unbeknownst
Took control
Broke the tether of your hold

And now you stand
Here before me
Thinking you so clever
Soared too high
My sun stole your wings
Grounded you forever
Words and eyes useless
A smile that can only quiver
Knowin’ I got the best of you
And now who’s the one that’s clever?
©2009clarencecbess

Begin

Let me return
To the art of speechless
With placement of your kisses
Upon my soul
Begin
Again

Let me return
To the joy of heaven
Within your arms
That I am missing
So
We can begin
Again

Sing me return
To your heart that listens
Here in the space we’re given
Whole
As universe and time unfold
Again
Begin

Back to the moment
I first saw you
Lost for words
To describe the feeling
No control
Inhibitions go
Begin
Begin…
©2009clarencecbess

There

There you go again
Seductively sneaking into my thoughts
Clouding over
Things I probably should be thinking about
But shouldn’t one of those things
Be you?

There you go again
Lurking just beyond the scent
I’ll forever associate with you
And I
In a stunning moment
I’ve tried so hard to keep
As a mental snapshot
From which to always draw inspiration.

There you are again
Just behind the sound
The bass groove line
Your moans
As we laid passion deep
And horns and strings
Came together to sing
And I couldn’t help
But to think of things
Of beauty and dreams.

There I want you again
Just behind the touch
Just beyond the kiss
Just between the laughs
Just underneath the bliss…
©2009clarencecbess

Edifice

It hit me like a ton of bricks today.
The fact that no longer you
Are in my life.
For a moment I stood
Motionless
Turning the thought over and over
In between fingers of
‘How could I be so stupid?’
‘How could that bastard not even care?’
But I had to move
Had to finish my day
Dig myself out from underneath the rubble
To sift for broken shards once more
Of a heart all too familiar
With the sorrow of the aftermath.

It hit me.
And as depleted as I was
I knew I’d rebuild
For things of beauty have a way
Of finding their way back
In the end
The destruction
A mere chink in only one of the stones
That comprise the temple of my existence…

Never underestimate a solid foundation.
©2009clarencecbess

Gray Immersion

I looked into the gray
Realizing here was the fantasy
Gray immersion
Somber light
Cast upon everything
A slightly clear dusting
Steeling all it cloaked
So that one has to
Look at an angle
To truly see anything
A look of mistrust
Even with sweet sounds
And sweeter memories
Flowing through ear and mind;
It’s no wonder
So many withdraw.

To the infinity of it all
My thoughts turned
I was glad
I am very adept
At the art of seeing
Beyond
Inhibitions
The unexpected shock
Of what could follow
When one views the familiar
Finding something new each time
At will.

This gray immersion
How it strokes my soul
Allowing me to understand
How so many can find joy
Even in its grip so cold…

I realize now
That I am truly home…
©2009clarencecbess

Automatic

A great song by Prince, I was listening to him as I scrolled through some older works and came across this piece. As always, enjoy!

“Automatic”

Automatic
It is within my dreams
I escape from the sounds
And the pressure of things
Automatically placed upon me
By an automatic creed of bureaucracy

Automatic
And it’s in eyes of green
That I see the fall
Our destruction of things
We thought automatic would please
All of our automatic needs

Automatic
As I run out of time
In an automatic scheme of divine
Automatically inclined
To curse me for breaking his line
As he leaves me with barely a dime
A pot to piss in
Automatic I’m supposed to give in
Ask for forgiveness of sins

Automatic
It is hard to be free
In the tendency of automatic psychology
Or the fallacy
For you to automatic assume
I represent every nigger in the room

Automatic
I see you shift in unease
As I automatic sit
Stare and then see
Automatically inclined
Myself as I be
In automatic verse
As I attempt to explain
An automatic curse
Of pressure and pain

Automatic
Words come to me
The faintest cries
Amongst loudest sea
As automatic
It is within my dreams
I escape from the sounds
In the race to be me…
©2008clarencecbess

Big 'Gal

She be a big 'gal
Sleepy eyes
Spirits high
Comfortable
In her femininity
Chocolate skin
Queen within
Testament to survival
So much to hug
The warmth returned
Intoxicating
Like mama
Auntie
Grandma
Great grandma before;
Home.

She be a big 'gal
Meticulous braids
Sleepy eyes
And a real set of fingernails
Legs crossed
Lady
Like
Not just a woman
But royalty
Someone taught her right
Spirits high
As she scans the train
Indifferent
Looking to me
Questioning my periodic stares
With wrinkled brow
Wondering if I'm like the man
A few patrons away
Wolf licking his lips
Thinking he's found
A lamb for the slaughter;
But she is queen
In her mocha sheen
A big 'gal
With big dreams
Sleepy eyes
Spirits high...
©2009clarencecbess

Mind Skip

Rarely, and I mean RARELY, will I return to a piece that wasn't finished at its inception. But this one called again and again quietly until finished... I hope for you, constant reader, it was worth the wait. BTW, this piece was started on April 4th 2009 & finished on August 20th 2009.

"Mind Skip"

I forgot to tell you
That I left my heart at your feet
My soul in your hands
My desire in your eyes
That you drained me
Exhausted me
And I couldn't be happier
To lay it all down
To serve it all up

I forgot to tell you
That sometimes I cry
Shut down in silence
Because I'm not in the moment
Best to provide solutions;
That I'm selfish and strong
My list of opinions is long
And I couldn't be happier
To lay it all down
To serve it all up

I forgot to tell you
Because I was too busy
Caught in your grace
Upon your wiles
Lost on the fact
That despite my reserve
I wanted you with each breath exhaled
In relief and possibility
Wanted you
Despite broken promises
Made in the moments
Profound and moist
When breaths and heartbeats are one
Surrounded by an aura of perfection

I forgot to tell you
Because my hope was in time you'd know
Because my hope
Was in time...
©2009clarencecbess

Ghetto Americana

"Lessons Learned" was written for the children of my school... this one is for the staff. Enjoy...

“Ghetto Americana”

I saw you three
The other day from the bus
A slice of Ghetto Americana
Just as forgotten
As the expiration date
Of the chips you ate.
A simple scene
Yet remarkable
Because earlier
The civility didn’t exist
And that blows
To see you trapped
Images
Wiped clean of all
That would be childhood
Down low
No respect for adults
A hard time showing love
Because somewhere
Someone
Got the idea
A pair of shoes
Would raise you
Enlighten
You
Remind you as Forrest’s mother said
‘Where ya goin
Where ya been’
And somebody else caught wind
Multiplied
Divided
Added
But never subtracted
Fiction
From the fact
That times are too hard
To slave for momentary
Fascinations
Thinking one day
It’ll keep them out of the nursing home;
I saw you three
And as disgusted
As I’d been earlier
With your potty-mouths
Ridiculous choice of attire
Total lack of urgency
And understanding
That your education
Was slipping away faster
Than the very taxes I pay
To educate you
I smiled
Because for a moment
All you were
Was a slice of Ghetto Americana
Framed by the #15’s windows
And if I didn’t know you
I would’ve forgotten you
Another expiration date
I don’t check for
When I walk into the bodega…
©2009clarencecbess