A Letter To God

I got an email this morning with the suggestion of going to church to celebrate Easter. To kneel to God in prayer with others and reaffirm my faith. And then I started to think. I've never cared for religious gatherings and have often viewed the nature of relationship between deity and follower as a personal one. One that doesn't include having to schlep in some monkey suit to a stone edifice who's sole purpose is to trap you for an hour too long in the hopes of putting fear into you so a few extra dollars can be made to build more stone edifices in the hope that instead of understanding the fundamental makeup of the world around us, we leave it up to an entity none of us can prove exist or doesn't... and with that, a poem was born. Enjoy...

“A Letter To God”

Dear God,
What is the proudest prayer that I could offer?
Should I run about
As it was as a child
Looking for that special costume to wear
Because somehow
On this day
The sermon was to carry extra meaning?
I admit we haven’t talked much
(Or rather I haven’t talked to you much)
But then again,
We’ve talked enough…

I know you’re there
Even though I hope you’re there
Because I can’t explain
The people who have come into my life
The many times suspended upon the edge
Of desperation
That briar patch waiting beneath
To pierce me
Drain me of the essence of existence
Only to somehow elevate
If even for a passing moment
Above cirrus spectacles
Above the blue we are so bound to…

So why do I write?
Why not get down upon my knees
Hands folded
Eyes closed
Ridiculously muttering
An oft too rehearsed thread
Of wishes and reflections?
This seed you planted
Grateful as I am
My blessing
My curse
Prevents me so;
Why plant the seed
Only to inhibit the growth?

Selfish right?
But that is the human condition
For survival depends on it
And this you know…

Maybe I wrote today because
Unfortunately
That is the only way I feel like I can make sense
Because despite my disdain
For your rabid followers
I wanted
In the best way I know how
To thank you
Remind you
Just in case you don’t already know
That I do think about you
More times than not
(Thank you mom and dad for
years of Sunday monotony)
Even though I fear
What it is you have in store for me
Fate
Is a bitch I’d rather not be screwin’…

So as usual
In all things wondered
I’ve gone on too long
The feeling of ineptness
Rising with each new character.

What is the best way to end this?
I used to hate these moments in church
My father and others
Fanatically continuing
As if to attain a climax next to sexual…

So I guess
Thanks
And I apologize for not including
The rest of the world and its problems;
But that is the human condition
Selfishness
How else would we have survived?

Amen.
©2009clarencecbess