Ten O’ Clock On A Sunday Night

Ten o’ clock on a Sunday night
Too cool to have my window open
Too hot to have my window closed
Caught somewhere between
Slightly uncomfortable
And just plain miserable
As my thoughts drift away
To eyes and lips
Touch and taste
The way my heart responds
With multiple attacks
Each time that smile
Breaks the horizon of his soul.

Ten o’ clock on a Sunday night
Miles from home
Looking at strangers
Silent
Just as ready to get there as I am
Avoiding the eyes
Because that begets specific interest
Which I have none at the moment
Trust me
I get enough ‘look at me’ at work;
Fifteen past
The universal agitation
Of just missing the last train
We pace back and forth
Smells of urine
And the MTA’s lame attempt to cover it
Egging us on to insanity
The only escape
To let my thoughts drift again
Echo loudly
Like the opposite flow of traffic
That comes far more often
Because I don’t need to go there
Just here
To the moment again
After arms and soul held me
Sang me a lullaby of sweet longing
Leaving me at twenty-five past forever…
©2009clarencecbess

Silent Scream

To Eric H... exploration is the way to the soul.

"Silent Scream"

It was only dreams that stood between
It was beyond myself I came to be
Silence covering the scream
That inner power to accomplish things
And yet I'm still sitting here
Looking for explanation beyond what I see
Beyond what the world means to me

It was only fear that kept me right
As I grew into this thing
Letting go my silent scream
Beneath a carbon night
At the base of a canyon deep
Encrusted with the history of my fate
Looking for justification of a misery
But it was only
Only a...

It is only love that stays my hand
Strengthens the tightrope
Between now and the promised land
What could be wanted there between
Infinite sky
Littered
With clouds of wreckage
The gust of forbidden scenes
And the hollow cries of shattered dreams
But chance is only
only a...
©2009clarencecbess

Wishing Well

I got a little tune stuck in my head on the way home. Maybe it was the sesame st. episode... I don't know. But I sat down and tried to get this out of my head. Part of me wants to consider this piece unfinished, but the other half knows better... You be the judge. Enjoy!


“Wishing Well”

So far as I can tell
It’s not a wishing well
The way things came to be
Between you and me

Remembering the day
When on your lap my head did lay
And surely with your touch
I did think away
Into future years to come
How I wanted to bathe in you my sun

But your light it shone from hell
I must love getting burned
As far as I can tell
There was no water in the well
Wishes never shined when they fell
Into the darkness we

So far as I can tell
It’s not a wishing well
The way we came to be
Lost within the shade completely…
©2009clarencecbess

Pastel

Sometimes I feel like pastel
Think in tangerine
Sometimes in the midst of my rainbow
I realize the colors aren't what they seem

Too often in my private I'm public
Too often I don't save the pennies shelled to me
And sometimes in the morning's dew I can tell
That the day is gonna turn out pastel

Maybe in the light it's truly in the dark
Could it be at the end of the race
Is where the running starts?
Dreams are further than fantasy
So far as I can tell
That lining along the cloud, well
It's not so much as silver as it is pastel

Sometimes I go the way of blue
Even though it's crimson in my heart
Too often I am silent when I should
Open up to play the part;
Maybe in the midst of my rainbow dream
The colors change for they can tell
My need to breathe pastel...
©2009clarencecbess

?

It was wet and cool...and I was waiting. Waiting for what though?

" ? "

Dampness intertwines
With the mulch I breathe today
Come muted sounds
With the trees so still it makes
Harmony bound
High as the squirrels that run away
Without things they forgot to bring to play

Too late the shade
Even though the light's still high
In the afternoon that fades away
Too late to stay
With the souls that came to play
In moist emerald dreams
That sing so right
Of the most forbidden things
That fill my mind

Eyes they look to me
Brown as the bark that rise
Beneath this emerald sea
And the jade that begs to rise
With the leaves so still
So shy
It's too late to say
That the moment feels so right

Dampness on the breeze
As the darkness knocks upon the sky
And forest melodies enter my mind
At one with the still beneath my needs
At one with the real in this fantasy...
©2009clarencecbess

Butterflies

Butterflies in my senses
In my subconsciousness
Don't fly
Denied through my own wishes
They cry

Butterflies losing their colors
Can't find their way
Out of my dreams
Losing themselves within shades
Of unrecognizability
And things
Denied through mine own wishes
I scream

Butterflies lost their wings
Returned to the cocoon and things
Misplaced
Within the scheme of survival
And cried

Let go senses
Let go dreams
Let go troubles
Must find my broken wings
So butterflies
Can scream...
©2009clarencecbess

A Seat Shared By Two

It's always amazing to recognize love. Whether it's within ourselves or others...

"A Seat Shared By Two"

Doe-eyed
Silent innocence
He rest his head upon her shoulder;
Elegant smiles
Whispered thoughts
She closes her eyes to wonder;
A timeless picture
Only the color
Of cloth
Of skin
The cut and pattern
Wherein difference and change
Blossom
Bright as the color she wears
As the obvious fact
That they are in love...
©2009clarencecbess

That I

Sterile
I'm afraid to touch
Symmetrical
Isn't worth half as much
Misery
Living in the light
That she breathes
That he needs
That I

Anger
Here's my chance to breathe
Peace
On Earth I'd hope to live to see
Misery
No longer on my streets
Behind her smiles
Inherited
By the avenue and corner's child
That we teach
That I

Sing
With tainted air I breathe
Songs
Aren't as worth half as much
Misery
Dripping from their scales
That dangle in the light
By which he reads
By which she sees me write
That I

I'm a little pressed for time
Because someone got it in my mind
As before
To have me wanting more
Despite what I need
Made so sterile
I'm afraid to touch
Beyond my dreams
Behind wishes
That I
Write
Away
Upon
Within this light
Throughout this fight
That I...
©2009clarencecbess

Thus Far - The Haikus

Over the past year since the publication of my 1st book "Actuality Askew", I have gone over ideas for a new book. Several days ago, it occurred to me that one of my favorite parts to the book were the Haikus. Without giving too much away, here is the ensuing result...

"January"

Resolutions come.
Despite the chill I am warm.
New year with old dreams.

&

Blog the words I breathe.
Creativity a must.
Where will I go now?

"February"

Bitter frustration.
Seeping through my work and play.
Time for a reset.

&

Thank God for my friend.
Florida reset worked great.
Now handle business.

"March"

Let it go; madness.
The steady course is hardest.
Bird's song makes me smile.

&

The cold tries to stay.
Between clouds I see the blue.
Patience is a must.


"April"

Transferred to heaven.
Even in the hell I breathe.
God listened to me.

&

Ball's in your court.
Stand up and make up your mind.
Showers bring flowers.


"May"

I did it again.
Fool to depend on others.
Hard head, sore behind.

&

He came from nowhere.
Red sunrise on my blue sea.
Totally smitten.

"June"

So let the rain fall.
Today from sky and fate too.
Green days will come soon.

&

Release. Reset. Go.
Honor. Remember. Excel.
Beauty in passing.


"July"

Independence lost.
Searching for solutions now.
Blow out my candles.

&

Renewal again.
Injustice and clarity.
The circles of life.

All Works©2009clarencecbess

Fine Lines

Been a bit scatterbrained lately, but this was a nice moment of clarity on the train...

"Fine Lines"

It's unusually hot
Sticky moist one wants not
When you're deep underground
And you can't move around
People mumble and groan
Yet the machine moves on
Wherever we need be
For a moment universally...

Stops they come and go
Maybe half wants to know
Why the powers that be
Strangle so completely;
And she's looking to me
'Cause I came across her face
Attempting to line
This space and this time;
Fine...

Chill comes
Yet here I am
Sweating profusely
Lost in the rock
Over bridge and sea
In my corner of life
I attempt to maintain
On the tattoos of her
Inspiration comes again
As they look to me
Curiosity
Streaks across the mind
If not the face
In this place and time
Where I attempt to line
Minutes that pass
Fine...

Faces come and they go
Places one never knows
Beyond their interest inlaid
What's willing to be paid
For discovery
The chance to expand
Beyond their corners
Their private miseries
And the seconds that pass
So fine...

Always leaves me with new lines.
©2009clarencecbess

The Hard Way

This is an oldie... Was going through my collection and came across this one. It seemed to sum up a present situation and none-the-less the road to which I will have to take to solve it. I have never done anything on time or the easy way and often joke that knowing me, I'll be the last to die amongst those I know and I'll be late to my own funeral...

"The Hard Way"

And I like it
Place I want to go sit
Think about the torments
And what is really known
Shit
There I go once again
Wrestling with the truth
Sin
And the way my youth is ending
The way my soul
It grows thin
A whisper of a shadow
The broken pane of a window
Looking so together
Yet fragile to the weather
Of life's spin
Wonder where my story ends
Is it here upon your lips friend
As you kiss me and the truth swells?
Looking for answers to questions at hand
Innocent
Like a child's glance
I am at the road's bend
Caught between a rock
And caught in the questions
Of a hard plan...
©2004clarencecbess

Second Glance

Just that. Sometimes on the train you see people. You don't really want to look, but you are drawn somehow. Then you assume. You assume until you are given a reason not to... Even the most hideous of creatures has a moment of beauty.

“Second Glance”

She looked taken.
Jagged
Removed
With the strangeness of her face
A topographical holocaust
That never made it
To reconstruction;
He stroked her
Lovingly
Purposefully
Reassuring her thigh
What lay hidden between
That he was the one
Would always be there
Even amongst the destruction
As it was
Or could be;
The train slowed
Announcement came
He rose and parted
She all alone
Confused I became
In my perverted mind
I replayed events
Bringing new meaning
To vision fresh beyond my eyes;
Disgusted I wrote
Trying to snap a moment beautiful
Out of what I’d thought I’d seen
Till she rose
All now so clear
With the protrusion of life
Beset on her range…
Beautiful woman, man, and child
Bringing a little sunshine to my rain…
©2009clarencecbess

Gold

Said it’d like to define my soul
Said it’d like to remake me
As I’m lost in the cold
Said it’d like to break me
But unto I hold
All the joys that take me
Into the gold
Said it’d like to know me
In the midnight stark
Said it’d like to show me
Heaven within the dark
Said it’d like to break me
With truths of the face
Said it’d like to stake me
To finish last in the race
But I go
Into the gold

All the voices I hear
As I go through life
All the stares I fear
Knowing nothing’s right
Beneath façade I beam
My attempt to tip-toe away light
Into imagination
It’s freedom the sight
So bold
It’s power the call
So gold

Maybe it’d break me
If I gave it the chance
Maybe it’d take me
If I asked for a dance
Maybe it’d know me
If I weren’t so old
To damn myself eternity
Beyond the gold
©2009clarencecbess

Morning With You

Based on the previous post, you may think me bipolar...lol! Strange, I have always operated that way. I can go from a rather intense internal sadness to the utmost joy in a matter of seconds. Thanks Mike for the inspiration! Totes...

“Morning With You”

Breeze through shades
Shadowed
Playful
Teasing us views of the world
Outside
Inside
With you
Sunrise
Heavy-eyed
Surprise
Liquid grounds
Your pains
Quiet
Your kisses
Loud
Communicative
Consistent
Why leave?
Breeze through shades
Across me bare
Of body and mind
I’ll leave you be
For the moment this morning
Only to lament the goodbye…
©2009clarencecbess

Love Song For Mediocrity

I tried to know
Trespass upon the hills of growth
Tried to steal
Everything I could
In the land beyond the real
For how could I
Make my way beyond
Shadows of the night
Staying through days
With my knowledge locked away
Upon the verse
A tired love song
For the man cursed at birth
To die upon the wood;
Maybe that's where it all comes from
That which makes me come undone.

I tried to show
With a big side of blessing
And just a little bit of the know
You too could grow
But my bed's too full of weeds
Not enough roses there did seed
For how could they
Even though I know the best they tried
Sometimes I wish a little they'd danced
And lied;
And maybe that's where it all comes from
The reason why I come undone.

Just behind every fight
My eyes grow a little more tired
From the secrets I keep inside
As all the little things I thought that mattered
Won't help to pay the bills
To get me ahead in life
For survival and manners aside
It's all about selling the rights
(And I 'aint talkin' about the Saturday night fights);
Maybe that's where it all comes from
The reason why it all comes undone.

I tried to know
Trespass upon the hills of growth
Tried to show
Even in this state of being
Possibility's all one needs for reason
And that's gettin' hard to believe in
Just like he died for my sins
When shadows of the night
Follow me through days
Leaving me to languish on the contributory vine
Wilted
In the reality of subsistence...
©2009clarencecbess

Evolution

Or is it de-evolution? I informed a friend today of a notice I received in the mail. His response, 'You're such an idiot'. Sad part is, he's right. One would think I'd learned my lesson by now, and yet here we are...

"Evolution"

Here it comes
The cresting of the waves
Troublesome breaks
Upon the shores of my existence.

Waves
Created in places far away
Small at their conception
Now thunderous
Ravenous
Seeking to devour
My ramshackle sanity
As I somehow knew they would;

The worst of it all
As black foretold the white
'Death, but not for you'
I
Forever go on
Collecting along
The debris that will clutter
As it has before
Art from destruction
Symphony
From shrill winds and sea breeze
Misting my path
Erasing the memory of me;

I'd ask
What have I done to deserve this
But it is to my nature
As surf to the shore
Remaking
Remade
In the constant destruction
That is evolution...
©2009clarencecbess

Bowed To Love

So I'm conflicted. I have a deeply held belief (that is somehow based in fact) that if I write for someone who I am emotionally attached or attracted to, the relationship falls apart. Though those close to me might disagree, I am not much of a talker. I've toiled over how this came to be, but have never minded since I have my poems to speak for me. With that being said, I met someone. Over the past few days I have tossed about several ideas for pieces but have made a rather concerted effort not to pen them. As a hopeless (or is it hapless?) romantic, I can't help but to wear my emotions on my sleeve. But it is draining when time after time the very tool I am to use to express those emotions leads to unfulfilled potential. I will never understand why people run away. The 1st entitled "Nothing" won't be posted here as it unfinished and will very-likely remain that way. The second is "Bowed To Love". I only hope that for once I can break this curse... I know. I ramble...

“Bowed To Love”

I’d like to love
You
As blue skies in spring
Love
Like a robin’s song does sing
Free
Clean
Renewed
Bowed to love
Beam
My brightest smile
Attempting to think of things
I’d love
To bring to you upon my wings;

I’d love to love
You
As sweet as my daydream
Love
Lost in your eyes that call
Me away
Free
Consumed
Cleared to love
Scream
Greatest relief
As I attempt to hold
Spell cast
With first touch
Spread wing
Desire’s flight
I the robin sings
Bowed to love
The summer that I dream…
©2009clarencecbess

Damask And Blue

I stand alone
Sifting through doubt and reason
My heart a home
Boarded and vacant through seasons

No light was shone
In dark I despair this treason
Your eyes did show
When at last the question was given

To dance without
Heaven in my arms forever
Betrayal did damn
On waltzes of sin so clever

Damask and blue
I drift away
Yet somehow I want to hold you.
Would it be true
If I stand to say
That life should part me to want you?

I stand alone
Sifting through soul and reason
In one hand atonement
From your flowing tears that glistened
In other my stand
To go on alone without you

Should I be damned
To walk paths so close to dales and
What could be shallow remorse
From a heart still too cold to comprehend?

Damask and blue
I’m here to stay
In this moment a man of decision
So I dare to love
For love is the way
For love is the sweetest gift to be given.
©2009clarencecbess

Rocket Ship

Feeling like total crap today... Between the medication and lack of enough sleep despite having slept pretty heavy due to the NyQuil, not to mention just feeling plain loopy, this is the result... I do these sort of pieces from time to time...

“Rocket Ship”

Resisted
Drowned in this
Escape
Missed
Freedom a kiss
Waits upon lips
Makes heaven the time
Lost in a rift
Drowned in this
Rocket ship

Spirited
Drowned in this
Surprise
Dismissed
Fantasy a pinch
Realized bliss
Upon dreams
And rocket ships

Out among stars
Drowned in this
Escape
Trip
The iris splits
Drowned in this
That makes no sense
Makes splendid the time
Alone
Confess
Pilot on
My rocket ship…
©2009clarencecbess

Good Night

I got up early this morning
Annoyed by the stench
Tossing and turning
In broken dreams
Looking for arduous eyelids
Rest;
Heard the thunder clap
Eternal
Momentarily vibrating my world
In this hour of darkness
I am usually using
To eat
Those little slices of death
Succulent and free known as sleep…

I got up early
Tried to get lost in the rain
Let each curtain
Blanket me
Carry me away
Beyond television and computer screens
Their contents staring back at me
With the inevitable question
‘Why are you here?’
Always on the cusp of each conversation held…

Got up
With all of these things
With creation standing by
Waiting to hold me
Capture the moment
Making vacant my mind
Enabling the black vision that comes
When at last I can lay
Lost in the rain
Letting it’s sporadic fingers play
Across the keys of my soul…

At last
Good night.
©2009clarencecbess