Findmuck

Ghost lay silent between life and love
And somewhere between my soul did appear
Lost within his eyes sallow and closed
And the image of her head resting there
I saw the beauty of this place where
Souls came together at a quarter past twelve
Rocked to sleep by the rumble and sway
Of this dimension so bold
None of us could imagine another way.

His is the ghost
And I'd compromise for a chance to know that truth
Foray into the depths of an unknown soul
Come again, my friend
You can't know an end
To lids which cover the proof;
So I rest within words I'll rehearse again
As I flee into my fervor of dreams
Sit back beneath the lights
Hold myself tight
Maybe when I awake everything will be alright.

I found myself traveling down a dusty road
Of a memory I never thought too dear
Demons which I thought I'd let go
Their faces began to appear
Strange how the winds began to blow
As if God himself did hear
And to myself I thought
How could I ever forgive those souls
Who instilled all the heartache and fear?

Painful, the truths revealed with time
As the veils of youth begin to ascend
Shameful the fools whom convinced themselves
They've nothing to do with the sin
And ghost lay somewhere between these parallels
Stretched out before me for years;
Why did I have to run so far away?

It would take more than just a dream
To sail beyond the things I've seen
More than the woman who finally appeared
Too late for me to care
Beyond the currency of appease I use to blanket me.
I came to a place where I could live without a name
Needed to be a shadow so I could see
And the whispers upon their breaths would be mine alone
This is what happens when you have no home.

But maybe when I wake It'll be alright...
©2014clarencecbess

Six Fifteen Fourteen

You want words
Want love, I don't know I can give
Caught upon a past paradise
Without sin you live
Leaving me these days
To try and come up with some reason to praise
The way they do
When it comes to you, untouchable
But I can only drown in the proof...

Afterthought
I languish behind
You summed it up when you said
'I prefer' another kind
Please keep your hurt
On a day like this I've enough to go around
The sun
A light
I could never be
Still I long for words of honesty
To show a mortal side
A human face
God afforded you the chance to misplace;
You want words?
Or maybe it's my heart?
My submission?
For me to go in your way?
I know, 'God's'
It comes back to a light
A mystery
A dying uniformity just to get you by
Just to give you hope
Something I clung to every night
That somehow I'd awake and I'd make it right;
This day
I'm pained to say
I wish would just go away.

You want what she gives
Despite the sins
She lingers
Depends
Fulfills your fantasy,
I now,
Only have words
To taste my anger
To make up for your hurt
And questions I have no strength to ask
For all that it's worth
To hear three words
Even now I'm unsure I could utter
Meaningfully
When it comes down to us.

Three words which haunt vividly
Still
Because it continues
This regurgitation of your...
( exhale )

I wish I could tire,
Of hating you both.
©2014clarencecbess

Leftovers

That image upon the passing bus struck me.
Struck me as if a vehicle of it's own
Mowing me down with a truth
Never better expressed
Until that very second
As I headed to the shore for a moment with myself.

The landscape had held me
Made me contemplate words
Deciphering the puzzle which lay upon my mind;
But no,
That was not fate...
Those winds, those bodies,
That place.
No, as usual
My station lay inland
Inward
Inscribed upon city transportation
A remarkable poignant representation
Of all that was and is;
Leftover
From the debris of my youth
And my attempts to move on;
From the debris of choice
And my attempts to live on
More than leftovers
Placed out for me
I thought by them
Turns out, it was God.

I should've known this some time ago
Everything was right there;
That time they even gave me an award
'...the recipient of this award is a person
who is always able to make something out of nothing...'
But even scraps are something.
Remnants are something.
Even
Nothing
Is something
Leftover form the debris of existence.

I just have to decide
Are the leftovers a feast?
Or are they a famine?
©2014clarencecbess

Tasted

I loved the way we tasted
It reminded me of the way we taste
Made me think of what they tasted
That first time
Those many times
Cocoa to cream
Struggle to dream
I wonder why
I dare not dive completely
Into the depths of a darkness
One would think familiar and comforting.

I love the way you tasted
Familiar mystery
You lay upon my tongue
A weight of understanding
I could not help but question
Which no one seems to have the time for;
Your rebuke violent and swift
Caused me to fall
Again
Into the cracks of broken dreams
And possibilities no longer sacred.

With every touch of your hand
A yearning called
To return again
To you
There
Where passion and desire culminated in a kiss...
Yes,
I love the way we tasted,
The way we teased,
I teased,
You attempting to seduce
And the both of us loving
If just for minute
Thoughts of what could be
If one of us would listen.
If one of us would hear.
©2014clarencecbess

Songbird

I once heard a bird sing
Proud and eloquent
Telling tales of it's many flights
To wisdom

I once heard a bird sing
Of freedom and strength
Through bars physically replaced
With a mental stronghold ever more present
Upon the songs of a lost flock
Left to the skies with no discernible path
To follow
Intrinsically
So that success
Despite those ever-present
Meticulously placed obstacles
Would forever be branded upon their generations.

I once heard a bird sing
And it sounded as if she sang to me
My history
Our future
Together beneath those joyful skies
I forget all to often possible
Because all I can witness from my perch
Are clouds
Weighted with the tears of my ancestors ashamed
Equality's march seemed to have ended
No sooner than it took such great leaps forward;
And not by the hands of the keepers,
But by the wings of those
Who shunned their sense to fly
Beyond the clouds to that eternal blue
We are so bound to.

I once heard a bird sing
In it's final flight
A return to it 's creator
A legacy proud
As others joined in chorus;
Her work done here,
This is why she sang every morning
Despite the storms which came
Why she praised every day
Despite the caws of those other birds attempting to drown out her message
Why she lifted all you listened
Learned
Making sweeter such consolidated lives
Overburdened with the task of living
Over and beyond a blue
They somehow forgot existed.
©2014clarencecbess

Touché

Touché
The guided hand strikes across the face.
Now
Action will come
Present and full
Because the massa' and overseer have been bitten.

The field niggers whisper
Some with a touch of glee
All with a tinge of fear;
It's getting harder to camouflage this plantation's crimes.
The world is changing
Has changed
And the fruit of those sewn seeds
Has come to a fruition;
The deal with the devil
For a sense of control
Has the belles in a sweat they all thought they'd escaped when they first sat at the big table and haughtily voiced 'come! You there! Bring unto me my desires.'

The house niggers wait.
Closer to the fallout
They feel a sense of security, having laid with the family at their feet.
'The floor of missus' room
Is better than the entire shack' says their faces.

Touché
Whispers echo at who will be next.
I see the new offenders honing their skills of escape and pleading
Watch them observe
Ingesting their elders trials and triumphs,
Gunning for the HNIC
Because that's the one who wields
Brings the operation to a stop,
Even if momentarily,
Becomes hero to that mass of diluted faces
Too watching
Too waiting
Too learning
In this regurgitation of history.

Yes indeed,
Touché.
©2014clarencecbess

Turtle

Turtle hangs his ancient head low
Parts with memories
He can no longer carry beneath his shell
Now as dusty as the years which have passed
Aging him
Bowing him
Confining him,
Though I believe personally,
To stare upon the road.

Periodically
His head rises
Catching glimpses of the now people;
He turns facing outwardly away to watch the cityscape pass
And I am left to wonder his manicure
And the story of his somehow
Intentional unkemptness.

Turtle I've named him,
The arch of his spine
Alcohol?
Drugs?
Age?
Life I figure
Hard and purposeful
This is the consequence biological and otherwise.
Is that me there beneath his blackened nails
At the ends of his silvering hair?
He moves forward
Aware of the stops
Recognizing yet bowed.
I wonder his God...

Is this me?
Is this me?
©2014clarencecbess

State of Awareness

Because my sunrise dims faster every day
Because my heart outweighs my pay
And I know I'll lose more than I will save

Because she got the better deal
Purse instead of steel
And afterthought's become my mantra;
Because my people are my people
Relegated consumerist
Because my government needed a system
And nobody else would be havin' it

Because I'm not a hero to my students
And won't be a victim for my politicians
Numbers are best for dollar bills
Because the alternative would be chaos
But maybe that's God's will

Because my heart can't take it
Never knowing the blood it pumps origin
I am forever shadow across the hues of this and other lands;
And murder is just a shout away.

Because I enjoy the morning most
Blessed surprise
Every day
A birth day
Renewed chance to hone my goals
To make my dreams a reality;
Spring's vibrancy coupled with morning's dew,
And you?

Because she stares a little more each day
Wants a moment more each time
Despite my attempts to drown within my mind
I'm curious about her curiosity
As it makes for another line.

Because it is now, as it was then
Consistently inconsistence becomes my survival
Looking for new paths off the trail
Man's planned for me;
And I can witness it upon their faces
Every day inching closer to a world
Ready to masticate their being
Swallow their souls
Ingesting the nutrients of promises
To defecate what remains upon a plate for their spawn to ingest...

Because I work in reality
One stop away from the line's end
Unless transfer is made
To an express opposite direction of the mind
And I am tired
Too tired
So
Tired
And the dew won't survive the morning.

And you?
©2014clarencecbess

Internal Affair

Sometimes
I think I couldn't love you more.
Like trying to find another reason to love
Love
It breaches upon impossible
In a repetitive world of clichés
Forget me nots
Not out of genuine emotion
Rather that unconscious knowledge
That unless we do things otherwise
It's just a matter of time before we dissipate
Beyond memory
Into the sheer nothingness of time.

Sometimes I stumble on you
A path I thought familiar
Memorized down to those basic details
Even I forget to notice in myself;
Stumble because you surprise me
In the answers to those questions of you
Leaving me lost in my heart's labyrinth
Hoping not to run into the beast of survival
I created to guard those fragile chambers.

Sometimes I create you
Momentarily forgetting who you are
And need
You to do the same;
Wash me anew
Equating me to those fantasies which drive you,
Will you
When something about me
Just won't do.

I couldn't love you more
Than I have
Do now
Will in perpetuity
As the residuals of fate's episodes
Rain upon me
Leaving me to drown in you.
©2014clarencecbess

Mind Lay

He saw me
Peeped me
Knew me
Deep into the stranger
Mystery.
Did he feel it?
Thoughts upon stranger tides;
Could he feel it?
Kisses,
Sighs,
Saying goodbyes?
This tearful game of madness
Shouts
Suburbia dreams
Antiquated ideas
Da da-daaah
Duh duh-da
And words don't equate clear
So I ponder
His depths of me
Iris deep
Contemplating
Why
I'm looking upon
One too many
Searching for the faint inspiration
Of adultery...
©2014clarencecbess

Thinner

Skeletons make cool
Skeletons sell
Cool
Skeletons remind
Finality inescapable
Draped in chic
Momentary divine
Genetics sublime in youth
I watch their flesh adhere to sheets
As age shallows their supply
Tissues their skin
Paints with bruises and blotches...
I am grateful for my spread
The way time has treated me
Balance
Never too much
Never too little
I am skeleton no more
Hollow
Just waiting to return
This borrowed shroud
Expenditure
Into existence and desire
Procreation
Revelation that the skeleton is just God's
Hanger
For the costumes of humanity and beyond.
He scares me, this skeleton...
They intrigue me, these skeletons.
©2014clarencecbess

Burn

Just the other day I was
Thinking of a thing called pain,
Every little thing it does
To leave you standing in the rain.

Just the other day I cried
At images of your face
And thinking on all which died
To leave me lonely in this place.

Does it burn you
The way it burns me?
Does it turn you over in your sleep?
Does it burn hot
Or does it burn cold?
Does it make you want lose control?
Does your fever run high?
Is your spirit now free?
Does it burn you
When you're thinking on me?
It could've been right,
It may have been wrong,
But now there's only ashes to go on.

Just the other day I tried
But the pain wouldn't go away
Just the other day I died
Thinking again on
What I could've done
To make you stay;
Just another season
Or could it be a lesson to learn
It's Just another reason
For you to cast your burn...

Does it burn you
The way it burns me?
Does it turn you over in your sleep?
Does it burn hot
Or does it burn cold;
Does it make you want lose control?
Does your fever run high
Now that you are free?
Does it burn you
The way it burns me?
It could've been right
It could've been wrong
But now there's only dreams to go on.
©2014clarencecbess

Spring Doe

Reflection kisses itself
Looks across the divide to me
Innocence and wonder
As I become another lesson in his young world.

She pulls him closer
Comfort and warmth
Him crossing his legs just like her
And I am taken
Emulation
She is subtle in her words
And he in return
Tells his secret story barely above a whisper.

There is no phone in his hands
And his vocabulary is one of respect
He is already light years ahead
Because of love
And I suspect by the way she takes his hand
Guiding him off the train
He will remain with his doe eyes
For many years to come.

It is becoming more and more striking
To see the face of a child
Upon the face of a child.
©2014clarencecbess

Dumburbia

I thought it was dream
Until her words came through
Oh, I wanted to scream
But what would that prove?
Agenda reveals it's teeth
In the battle for youth
Privilege paves the way
I'm tired of the proof.
It goes beyond caring
Trying to lift a soul up high
We forget what we're sharing
Simply want to deny;
She took it personal
That I could give a damn
Their actions judge me each day
And not for who I am.
I've tasted more tears of sorrow
Watching them go by
But it's the flavor of hate
It's getting harder to deny
To let rest on my tongue
Every time they get by
With making such decisions
Clipping my children's wings for flight.
Not about the vision
It's just what's right
Not about our anger
It's just what's right
Not about the power
Just what it does further to a people
Stuck on repeat
In the eyes of those whom wield control...

©2014clarencecbess

36 Blossoms

Lest these blooms disperse
Beyond this forest
Their beauty echoing before them,
I fear the keeper's wrath.

Stubbornness abound
Too late to liberate them
From the rampant recidivism of their flesh,
They'll wither
Collect at the base of subsistence
And be gathered to perpetrate their master's plan.

Lest theses blooms are tended
The disentanglement of their bouquet
From these brambles set
Shall be brutal;
Premature deaths
The song of their screams billowing
Like sheets to a wind,
Stunning violence.

I witness 36 blossoms born.
36 blossoms grow,
Then 36 blossoms die.
All at the hand of their keeper.
©2014clarencecbess

M

Beyond love.
Beyond gratification.
So far beyond words to express
All that you mean.
Mother.
Greatest gift bestowed upon me
Greatest supporter uplifting me
God's breath within my ear
Reminding in my actions
The end result of her sacrifices
Patience and sheer genius in raising me.

Beyond love.
I think on constantly
How best to express those moments
Where I feel you in my soul;
In the words of others
As I hear their praise;
In those moments where I stand aside proud
That I
Got
IT,
The overall message
Of joy and laughter
Perseverance through the struggle
Smiling at every possible moment
Because the alternative...

Well, we've had that conversation already.

I love you beyond existence
Don't know what I would do without you
Don't even want to think about it;
Beyond love,
Beyond words,
Only the actions of my heart
And a hope you know this.

Mother.
Mom.
'Lane.
Vivian.

It all comes back to love.
©2014clarencecbess

Butterscotch Cocoa

Butterscotch cocoa
Makes me wanna go-go
Dream
Underneath the flowers
Lazily beside the stream.

Butterscotch cocoa
How you gonna go-go
Smiling at me
Then never want to follow
When I wanna go-go
Down your stream?

Butterscotch cocoa
Why is love a no-no
And while we're at it
Why you staring at me?
You make me wanna go-go
Somewhere that's a no-no
To play with flowers in my dreams.

Maybe you don't know so
Despite the fact I say so;
Maybe you don't care so
Maybe I should go-go

Butterscotch cocoa
You're the only one I want to taste
Despite the overflow so
Of all the other sweets in this place;
And would it be a low blow
To say I think it quite so
That you get a kick out of watching me crave?
I think I need to go-go
If it's only just a no-no
The contents behind your wrapper embrace.
©2014clarencecbess

Without Words

Without words I sing
Call you to come
Rest here upon mine heart
Beating now only for you.

Without words I dream
Make due until your arms can still me
Rest me from the movement of this hunt
Inescapable for a better song to sing
Like these birds in flight above me
Freedom works best with wings.

Without words I love you
Want to
Every day you
The smile you bring to my weary truth
Ignition to this slowing mind
As it tries not to petrify in age;
You
Renew
Without words
Undo the coils of my existence
Send my walls to ruin
Setting my secrets free
Leaving only a lifetime to spend with you
Without words
Only peace.
©2014clarencecbess

To The Bone

Winter won't leave my bones
Despite rainbow blossoms
And scents to follow.
Won't leave my script
Remains bleeding from my pen
An open wound left to fester in the approaching heat
Of change.

My shades refuse to rise
The ebony infinity holds me
Echoes me into a submission only faith could rival
Despite promises of better days relentlessly bombarding
Breaking through to cast hazy shadows of hope
Around those loosened parts of me
Worn from my now ancient attempts to greet heaven
In this ongoing hell I was taught to seek respite from.

Winter won't leave my bones
Won't divorce me
Release me
Allow me to thaw in all my dreams
Dancing just beyond my mind's cells;
Won't sing the final chorus
Connect the final phrase
And leaves me as incomplete as...
©2014clarencecbess

Chasm

Across the divide he reminds
This
Is what they want of me.
Hair pressed into submission
One night stocking, du-rag at a time;
Laces undone
As if no knot was the ultimate rebellion.

The is what they want of me;
Clean-shaven
No curly-curl reminders about my face
How dare this nigger take such a relaxed unkempt approach
And have the cells to hold conversation
Equation to me!

Across the divide
I witness them in study.
The degree of understanding the negro,
I guess you would call it conundrum,
Engrosses their faces
Because despite the media's truths,
Despite law enforcement's truth,
Despite that hidden
Truth
We are so much more than the sum presented,
They still have not a clue as to what to make of
Us
Here in these hills of opportunity and dreams
Long past their glimmer
Now rusted shackles waiting for the next soul
To wait to be sold.

I will never be the man across from me.
Will never long to be that of the now
Pressed,
Or as the old-timers said
'Fried, dyed, and laid to the side'
Of individuality
And a desire to remind myself of past paradises tumultuous
Yet teeming with a hope
Now relegated to rose-hued faded snapshots
Collecting dust on a mantle
And digital snippets of a Soul Train dance line
As we boogie-woogied into a future,
I would argue,
That was far bleaker than our past
Across the divide amongst
And within ourselves.
©2014clarencecbess