10.16.2021

Stay Tuned...

"Grief"

And then there was one.

In a million possibilities

There was one

Fate

Juxtaposition of the soul

And that was you.

Red sunrise on this black horizon of me

I had to let some old ideas go

To let you singe me

Tan me that deeper shade that communicated to the world I loved you.

And then there was one.

Moment upon moment 

Sitting in silence with walls closing

Yet

Expanding infinitely

Shrinking me to a poppy seed

Amongst what now seems like an endless desert;

Moment upon moment

Of the surf's teasing my thoughts

As the loss of you slapped my shores

Drawing bits of me into those unknown depths of sorrow

Reshaping my topography

Muddling my borders

While my memories prayed no storm would come to wash them away.

One

Me, myself, & I

And the staring at the door

My mind knowing there shall be no return

While my heart holds to hope pure juvenile that at some point it shall be so;

And then there was one,

No,

Two...

Fuck it

A plethora of tears

Personified questions

Undisputed truths

Making this music of sorrow upon my flesh 

As the situation's gravity pulled them increasingly from me.

And then there was one.

Surrounded in black

A shadow of your shadow shadowing me as I felt you hollow next to me and I

Breathed

That I would never inhale you

And how I understood my love for you now more than ever upon remembering that grief like this...

Is the ultimate cost for a love like yours.

©2015clarencecbess

Last October

Past tense,

Last kiss.

Present sense

No sense

And now only dreams

Of black sands

And kneeling for you

To take my hand.

Past tense,

A conundrum of choice

Various shades

To look most fabulous of course.

Present presents

Truths unseen

And asking my soul not to burst at it's seams;

Thank God for you

But I am broken

Caught in the dance of mystery,

If I can pass this tense

Every day further past tense

I might be that person of strength

They think to witness now.

Last October

No new Novembers

Or memories to fall

Blanket me

In the future I thought meant for us;

Just first winter

Barren

Devoid 

And too quiet walls

Echoing only my tears.

Thank God for you

But what are we now to do

Beneath disco lights?

What am I to do when I need to be held at night

Because it still makes no sense

That this world would be without your presence

And now,

All there is

Is past tense

Last October

Last kiss.

©2015clarencecbess

Announcing...

Just in time for the holidays, introducing a new line a greeting cards featuring poetry by yours truly!

In collaboration with photographer Todd Ifft, we are proud to offer these unique images and words within a greeting card form. All images personally selected by me, each corresponding poem has been written to reflect the image it is paired with. Thought provoking, you'll want each one and highly anticipate what will follow!

Click the link below, then click "Other Products", and "Note Cards"

http://toddifft.fotomerchant.com

Done.

Said it best
Spare the rod, spoil the child.

Yes, I recognize that I live in a different world
Recognize that I am a relic
Another antiquated piece of history
My nation works at erasing
Eradicating from it's pages
Until sheets are left riddled with stains
From words and deeds now apparitions
And bullet holes where our collective soul drained
To again fuel
As it did before
Our captors greed.

Yes, I got whipped as a child
Whooped as a child
Beat
As a child;
To that end, I am now loathed
Because I say 'yes 'mam'
'No sir' and think to nod in acknowledgement
Of another human being
Another struggle
Another sense of purpose
And, hell
Just to brighten someone's day.

I got a beat-down every so often
For my actions
And the fact I repeatedly tried to have things go my way
Crossed boundaries
And refused to
Get with the program
Of survival out of love
And ensuring I was a productive citizen
Able to hold my own
Know my worth
And never let a system make decisions for me
That I should be making for myself.

I got tore up
Marked up even once
My mother so tired of my lies and attempts
To publicly humiliate her that she needed to go there
Needed to get in that ass to such a degree...

Parenting it was called
Better to sting for a little now
Than to hurt for a lifetime
Fuel for a lifetime
My country's need
To keep a nigger in place
Because the heart of the place
Puritanical
Only recycles the same blood it shed to exist;
Because the soul of this place...
Well, does an animal even have one?

So to answer the question on your mind,
Yes
I would strike my child
Whip my flesh
Spank my blood
Get into that ass
And love them
Love them
Pray them understanding
Hope them strong respectful minds
That understand the nature of the beast
Which lies in wait behind these Stars and Stripes
Ready to devour
Masticate them spiritually
Masturbate them commercially
And shit them out
Into the next ghetto province it seeks to create...
©2014clarencecbess

That Time Again...

So here I am
In thought again
Beneath cumulus decisions
As I make my way past fields
Overgrown
with desperation
And a content destructive, stunning.

Somewhere amongst these paths
I exist
Wonder whether dreams
As mine
Are seductively
Unconsciously peppered with regret
And a longing for completion
A full circle of strength,
And a balance,
Which in my age I've come to learn
Come only with dialogue.

First external.
A sharing of knowledge
In preparation of futures uncertain
With that persistent factor
Time
And a fact it only favors those whom prepare
Run head-first into it
Knowing they cannot conquer,
But can become palatable manipulators.

External
Behind closed doors
Full of history
An understanding of foundations placed
Before
And before that
Yet still before them
And the steady destruction brought
By others who've mastered the manipulation
Of the collective mind.

External
As in language and dialogue
Presentation
And the fact you cannot change your skin
However you can your tone
And actions which communicate a thirst
For knowledge
Beyond sidewalks and trappings
Masqueraded as freedoms
As choice.

External;
I remember when he said
'understand and always be aware of your surroundings'
For once you truly see where you are
You will certainly understand where it is you want to go
And how to get there
Avoiding the obstacles bound to be placed in your path
Leading to dialogues
Internal
And desires to never perpetrate those things
They
Would have
Us
To be...

©2014clarencecbess

Delayed

You are beautiful.
Point blank
A creation complex
I want to visit over and over again
In this museum of ages.

You peer down
To the side
Any way to avoid me;
You know I stare
Across this void
Across this place in shambles
As others look to me
Thinking
They
Are the inspiration for my eyes
Upon and beyond.

I watch your spread
Think how I'd love your spread
Despite;
Inspite
Of those things which haunt my mind
When it comes to the perfection I witness in you.

I think you question.
I think you curious of natures
And these railways beneath...
You want express to thine heart,
But there is only local
Left behind
Forced to clean up the mess
Of another possible love
Exiting too many stops too soon.
©2014clarencecbess

Release

Complex goodbyes
He exits with delicate deliberate moves
Ducking behind the column
To wave a last farewell.

She stutters in her age
Nervously offering reciprocation
As time is winning
From her heels to her hands
Further still to her face
She smiles now alone
Thinking of this possible last chance
Last dance for love.

I wonder them
I
We in the schemes
And trappings of this need
Despite gravity
Of situation and flesh;
I go back to his eyes
His
Contorted visage
And how beautiful it became
As that moment unfolded
And he hid there
Only for her
For them
For that elongated departure
And the fact that he was just as surprised
There could be any interest.

I knew this watching
Observing one of the finer points of existence
They looked like first timers,
Or was it long time since'rs?
Regardless,
They bring color vivid
To my otherwise monotone palate
As he finally makes his way up the station stairs
A nervous twitch in his spine
His body
His heart
Longing to steal just one more glance
And she
Now snuggling eyes-closed
In the memories of a touch
And the playful games
One whom's in love
Can never tire of playing...
Release.
©2014clarencecbess

Goodbyes Going

Connection again
I am charged
Rejuvenated
with the elixir of possibility
Of tasting
Holding
Knowing you in ways
I thought had vanished
As days slipped into weeks
Ran quicker still to months
Which flew on to become years.

Connection again
I no longer wait on my heart's
proverbial line for a human voice
to answer my multitude of questions
of questions
about the already far too many questions
I've asked as I pondered you
In the lines of another story
As I scripted yet another verse
in preparation of this moment here with you now.

Now
I stare again profoundly into you
Watch you tumbling over reality and wants
On to resolution that
This
Is us
and that all we have is now
along with the burden of goodbye
Again
and those promises uttered
just to keep the heart going
Pulse going
Dream
Going
Goodbyes
Going...
©2014clarencecbess

Watchstop

60
Seconds to pray the DJ won't stop
This groove
Washing over me
Causing me to feel
50
Feet high
Despite my lack of mule and
40
Acres to grow
Plant
Entrench
My seed
The longevity of me
Upon this swirl amongst swirls.

Now beyond
30
I look at decisions
Reverse how I got here
Ask
Seriously?
Was it that easy to change course?
Of course,
Hindsight
20/20
I find my balance lies in understanding
I can and shall
Just as this rhythm flows
With ease and purpose
To move all whom hear to that end
Some
10
Steps in the making
Beyond
9
Moments of regret,
8
Minutes of pleasure
And the
7
Sins they encompassed
As
6
Wishes turned memories
Found me
5
Fingers away
From that ultimate touch
As I reached
4
Heaven,
That divine
3
Father
Son
Holiness
2
Make myself complete
In that
1
Selection...
©2014clarencecbess

Beat

I love this place
These moments
Lost in the j's interpretation
Of what it is these masses
Us
The swarm want to feel.

This is elemental
Mental
Subliminal
This pounding as every bump
Works it's way deeper against my cavity;
This is a truth
This place
And the souls gathered to release
Relate
With every ounce of everything which flows
To
From
And beyond them
In this cosmic
Cataclysmic movement that is
The turntable
Beneath our creator's hands...
©2014clarencecbess

Ah, Yes

With that, satisfaction came
Lifted me to a place only God could conquer.
I thought him,
rolled him over my pallet
swallowed and,
'Yes'
Finality
Oneness
Taking-IN-ness
To a point of fulfillment
and a licking of lips-ness
like LL Cool J sexiness satisfaction
Dreams
Wants.
With those,
Syllables
I punctuated myself to an end
To my structure
That
Now
This was possible
And I was officially a part
Of that exclusive club known as...
Palpitations
Dumbfoundness
Anticipation
and a wanting to never part
From those eyes
And the depths of the soul
Which lay beyond them;
With that,
I tumble again and again...

©2014clarencecbess

The Hunt

Right now
In this early hour
In the moisture of this morning's growing dew
I want to hunt.
I want to close my eyes and listen for you
Hear those creatures of the night
As they seek me too;
I want my heart to race
With fear and excitement
My prize
A capture or two
Maybe you
I want euphoria sustained
For my flesh to tingle
Mingle with the brush
As deliberate footfalls
And hushed conversations
Between the creatures of the night
Make for bedtime stories
Tomorrow with drinks and friends;
My prize
A capture or two
Maybe you
Right now in this early hour
In the slow of the sun's rise
Just beyond the point of
Too late to care
I want to hunt.
I want to open my soul to the trees
And creatures watching amongst them
As I reconnect
To my self
That part of me I cannot explain
Don't want to explain
Just enjoy
Primal
Needing
Wanting
Having to conquer
Despite my belly full
A prize
Maybe two...
Maybe you.

©2014clarencecbess

38

Sunlight whispers secrets to my dreams
Wakes me reminiscing of things
I can't begin to explain;
The desert of my conscience
Waits for a rain.

Flower's petals bloom to reveal
Universe's essence and still
I long for God to explain
Why with this forest in bloom
Is there so much rain?

Huddled in the darkness of my mind
I embark on a journey to find
Answers to my pain
Explanations for my rains
Over-flooding the fields of me;
My attempts to swim so vain.

Sunlight peeks through the window at me
Fading from clouds upon the horizon I see
Again, I can't begin to explain
That beckoning chorus
Just ahead of those rains.

One would think I've learned by now
To shelter and save
Keep my soul from drowning
Within the storm's wake
One would think I'd be satisfied
Head above the waves
Moving ever-forward towards that land upon the horizon,
But no,
It escapes me,
Because there are always adventures in the wait
New and stunning
They creep through my murk to find me
Again
Each and every time though I try escape
Because pain is comfort
And that window for change seems to only come
This time of the year
This side of a beer
And yes,
The explicit tear
Protruding but never quite falling
From this side of me
As the sun sets and I make blessings of regrets...
©2014clarencecbess

Recede

Not enough time between stations anymore
Never enough time on platforms
To extrapolate and thus form
Staccato verses to inform
The world of my perceptions.

Running out of time standing here
Sitting here
I search for elongated stanzas
Characters to better tell tales
Of this great vanishing act which becomes me
As it was me
And shall be me;
Because it was before me.

Not enough momentum
Even the trains seem slower
With a caution based in lawsuits
And mass spiritual gentrification
Or was that pacification of the mind of this place
Every place in the sunset so far as I can tell.

And Chris drew a picture in school today
One he hoped would make his father cry
A picture of himself with a gun in his hand
Standing by a mass of people with no eyes...

Cartoon characters make easier truths
Of souls running with no life
Than delayed tracks
Inaudible announcements
And too much trash lost from situations that aren't right.
There never seems to be enough time anymore
Looking for answers on faces which speak far too similar
A beige world of existence
I long for colors I cannot comprehend
And a taste upon my tongue
Only the devil could defend...
©2014clarencecbess

Step Step Twirl

People dance just as they did in childhood
They commandeer a space
Maneuvering about everyone's gyrations
As if it was just they and the music;
Move about with an inspiration lacking
As I grey
As I fall prey to the beast of time
And I want to move.

I want to release
Unbounded by the movements taught to me
Which despite my continuous efforts
Haunt
Predicate every response I have to this rhythm known simply
As life....

©2014clarencecbess

Prayer Beyond Sunset

Blue moon sings sweet and low
A delicate tune to open my eyes
Turn the air that surrounds
To something which slows
My thoughts
Allowing me to see clearly
Despite the tainted goggles which grace my face.

Blue moon as I cross the ever again
And promises spoken in haste return;
Children angry anointed with the failings of their father.
Save me
Save me
Save me
Save me...

And would they even care
Knowing where their children are?
Blue moon answers back to me
That I already know the answers to the riddles I produce.

Blue me
Blue moon upon my tongue as stars fall
And left unanswered
Conundrum,
Twisted tones as blues turn to blacks
And midnight's back to me
Scarred and desperate for minutes more to rule
Before sunrise has it's fun...

Blue moon speaks
To blue me
Blue eyes which see
And shed blue tears
Because there are no other shades
No other fates
And truth will cease to reveal itself.
Amen.
©2014clarencecbess

Another Summer Song

The shifts in their strides.
The way they stop at the rails and look out,
Away.
The way the sun kisses gentle in this shade
And I reveal just a tad too much of me.
The way they congregate
Seeking to stain winter's color away
As diamonds dance within the waves
And the clouds
Slow
Appear to stand in place.
The way they sing in my ear
Make love to my eyes
In a procreation of art and life
Just beneath the surfaces of our existence.
Again,
The way he glances
Drops his penny for my thoughts,
And is that two dimes I see next?
Desperation drips,
Like sweat,
Too much effort, and one could drown.
They vacate.
My needs truncate
And I end just as I started;
Questions.
Breeze.
Desire.
Satisfaction...
©2014clarencecbess

Plain Talk

In truth,
It was a pernicious thing,
That decision.
Even more so,
That desire sown through harmonized characters
And existence's
Subdued scream which no one answered to.

In truth,
The mind split;
Partially upon a cross
While the other half traversed a brutal road
Ragged with time's deception
That questions would diminish
And answers abundant
Would grace my ears
Reverberating peace.

In hindsight,
Rear view mirror to the horizon,
No turn I could've taken
Would've delivered me to a happiness
I foreshadowed would never exist;
Which is why I look forward
Past the souls who said no
And a youth I'll never recapture
To slip further into today and tomorrows
I can only pray to see...
©2014clarencecbess

Fifth Floor Looking Out

Fifth floor looking out
Fifth floor wanting out
Now
Fifth floor and I'm in doubt
'Bout what my soul's been putting out;
Karma's bitch, I'm putting out
Giving up the ass without a doubt
Getting fucked from the way I played me
Improvisation
Now it's made me
Target
Nature's imbecile
Target
A daily bitter pill
Which hopes to keep me erect for the masses
Keep me intact for the classes
Classless children whom ingeminate
Mistakes mistaken for advances
Of a colonized mind I longed to escape
And a galvanized will just to vacate
The premesis of my youth
As the cross sought to asphyxiate.

Fifth floor looking out 
Into the pit without a doubt
Watch the next relic put in place
Disappearance of my face
As they race, one hundred k over asking
They trample nature in stampede 
And the penguins?
They're basking;
Bitter pill popped again
Swallow hard
No liquids to ease it down
And now 
The side effects to what I've been asking
To stay in this game a few extra lifetimes
And maybe I'll get it right
On the sixth floor
Behind another door
And music I can dance to
Getting next to, 
(Or is it back to?)
That Lilliputian thing I misplaced
Soul
Sanity
Sanctity
Spirituality
Simplicity
And just knowing,
Better yet,
Loving
Me.

Fifth floor looking out
And then down to the shore
Another success story of puttin' out
Everything and amost everyone that mattered;
But the sights are beautiful still
Abundant still
As the more they changed
You know the rest
And it's best I get to movin'
Shuffling past this time and space meant for me
Even if momentarily 
Yet oh so constantly.
©2014clarencecbess